{"id":398,"date":"2025-05-15T11:44:05","date_gmt":"2025-05-15T11:44:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/?p=398"},"modified":"2025-05-16T15:43:48","modified_gmt":"2025-05-16T15:43:48","slug":"coming-out-put-me-in-credit-card-debt-i-spent-27000-in-total","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/index.php\/2025\/05\/15\/coming-out-put-me-in-credit-card-debt-i-spent-27000-in-total\/","title":{"rendered":"Coming out put me in credit card debt \u2013 I spent \u00a327,000 in total"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure class=\"img-container shareable-item wp-caption\">\n<div class=\"img-wrap\">\n\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"646\" height=\"393\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"article-image wp-image-23074744 lazyload\" alt=\"Lewis Crompton - the cost of coming out\" loading=\"lazy\" data-src=\"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SEI_251033433-550e-e1747122096567.jpg\">\t<\/div><figcaption>Until the age of 26 I was living a lie (Picture: Lewis Crompton)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div class=\"metro-article-audio-player\" data-vars-type=\"article-audio-player\">\n<div class=\"metro-article-audio-player-play-row\">\n\t\t\t\t<button class=\"metro-article-audio-player-play-button\"><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t<title>Listen to article<\/title>\t\t\t\t\t<span>Listen to article<\/span><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t<\/button><\/p>\n<div class=\"img-container\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"sponsor-image lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" alt=\"Powered by\" data-rewritten=\"false\" data-src=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/wp-content\/themes\/metro\/includes\/site-blocks\/article-audio\/assets\/powered-by.png\"><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div class=\"audio-controls hidden\">\n\t\t\t\t<audio class=\"audio-element\" src=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/ElevenLabs_2025-05-15T11_41_58_Axell-British-YouTube-Personality-_pvc_sp100_s50_sb75_se30_b_m2-d4c2.mp3\" controls id=\"audio-68275c1daf863\">\t\t\t<\/p>\n<p>\t\t\t\t\tYour browser does not support the audio element.<br \/>\n\t\t\t\t<\/audio>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>As I looked at my bank statements one day in August 2017, I was horrified to see the figures.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>I was 27 and had spent \u00a350 on a meal here, \u00a360 on a massage there, several \u00a3100s on new outfits. The upside was that I felt more me than ever.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>But in the eight years since then, I\u2019m flabbergasted. I\u2019ve totted it up, and while I think I spent around \u00a37,000 on the basics of \u2018<a href=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2023\/06\/05\/it-took-me-47-years-to-come-out-to-myself-18882246\/\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2023\/06\/05\/it-took-me-47-years-to-come-out-to-myself-18882246\/\">coming out<\/a>\u2019 \u2013 like <a href=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2021\/03\/07\/we-need-to-talk-about-consent-in-gay-male-spaces-14147042\/\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2021\/03\/07\/we-need-to-talk-about-consent-in-gay-male-spaces-14147042\/\">going to gay clubs<\/a> and buying new outfits that represented the new me \u2013 in total, the price of living as myself is closer to \u00a327,000.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s factoring in things like lost earnings, moving, and the price of overcoming my <a href=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2025\/05\/11\/i-put-gay-conversion-therapy-changed-life-forever-23029653\/\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2025\/05\/11\/i-put-gay-conversion-therapy-changed-life-forever-23029653\/\">conversion therapy<\/a> trauma.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>But the cost of being able to be me, and the value of my happiness at finally being free? Priceless.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Until the age of 26 I was living a lie. Well, when I say living, I really just mean existing.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>I was gay. I had known I was gay since my teens, but as a member of an evangelical branch of the Christian church, the fear of admitting my sexuality was overwhelming.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<figure class=\"img-container shareable-item wp-caption\">\n<div class=\"img-wrap\">\n\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"541\" height=\"328\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"article-image wp-image-23074737 lazyload\" alt=\"Lewis Crompton - the cost of coming out\" loading=\"lazy\" data-src=\"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SEI_251033439-d8bd-e1747122140666.jpg\">\t<\/div><figcaption>Put simply, I was petrified to tell anyone else the truth after that experience (Picture: Lewis Crompton)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div class=\"factbox\" data-ico=\"factbox_article\" data-track-module=\"factbox_article\">\n<h2 class=\"factbox-title\">\n\t\t\t\tJoin Metro&#8217;s LGBTQ+ community on WhatsApp\t\t\t<\/h2>\n<div class=\"factbox-content\">\n<p>With thousands of members from all over the world, our vibrant <a href=\"https:\/\/whatsapp.com\/channel\/0029VaZmbEG8kyyPpsk8pS37\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"https:\/\/whatsapp.com\/channel\/0029VaZmbEG8kyyPpsk8pS37\">LGBTQ+ WhatsApp channel<\/a> is a hub for all the latest news and important issues that face the LGBTQ+ community.<\/p>\n<p>Simply\u00a0<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/whatsapp.com\/channel\/0029VaZmbEG8kyyPpsk8pS37\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"https:\/\/whatsapp.com\/channel\/0029VaZmbEG8kyyPpsk8pS37\">click on this link<\/a><\/strong>, select \u2018Join Chat\u2019 and you\u2019re in! Don&#8217;t forget to turn on notifications!<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>The last time I had confessed my feelings to a \u2018friend\u2019 when I was 18, I had been <a href=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2022\/04\/01\/what-is-conversion-therapy-16387239\/\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2022\/04\/01\/what-is-conversion-therapy-16387239\/\">forced into conversion therapy<\/a> and undergone months of counselling and aversion training in order to quash my true self.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>It involved renouncing any homosexual tendencies of my own, and allowing people to put hands on me and <strong>\u2018<\/strong>cast out demons that were trying to make me gay\u2019. It meant resisting any form of sexual desire.<\/p>\n<p>It made me believe for a very long time <a href=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2024\/05\/11\/polygamy-abstinence-why-left-mormon-church-20767772\/\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2024\/05\/11\/polygamy-abstinence-why-left-mormon-church-20767772\/\">that sex was bad<\/a>, to the point where I still felt like I was condemning myself to hell when I eventually did come out and have sex.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>I was petrified to tell anyone else the truth after that experience.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>As an ordained pastor and trained counsellor within the church, my love for God and my community was deep, but so were the emotions that filled me with both passion and terror.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<figure class=\"img-container shareable-item wp-caption\">\n<div class=\"img-wrap\">\n\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"480\" height=\"325\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"article-image wp-image-23074739 lazyload\" alt=\"Lewis Crompton - the cost of coming out\" loading=\"lazy\" data-src=\"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SEI_251033440-47f2-e1747122164193.jpg\">\t<\/div><figcaption>I had to give \u2018being me\u2019 one last shot (Picture: Lewis Crompton)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>I knew I was attracted to men, but I knew I must never admit it.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>As anyone who has hidden their sexuality knows, it can become overwhelming. I hit rock bottom. I despised myself and everything I was. I hated myself for lying to God, to everyone, and I despised myself for these \u2018unnatural\u2019 feelings.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>But one night in 2016, I decided I had had enough. Having cried myself to sleep for months, and even having considered ending it all, I finally experienced some kind of wake-up call.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>I had to give \u2018being me\u2019 one last shot. I was going to come out.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Telling my parents was not as hard as I had expected. It felt awkward talking about this with them, but was a weight off my mind knowing they now knew the true me.\u00a0<\/p>\n<figure class=\"img-container shareable-item wp-caption\">\n<div class=\"img-wrap\">\n\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"480\" height=\"324\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"article-image wp-image-23074742 lazyload\" alt=\"Lewis Crompton - the cost of coming out\" loading=\"lazy\" data-src=\"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SEI_251033437-57ed-e1747122181288.jpg\">\t<\/div><figcaption>My pastor told me I would spend the rest of my life with demons inside me, (Picture: Lewis Crompton)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>It started the process of letting our relationship grow deeper and better, and they affirmed that they love me for who I am; they always have, and always will.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>But my church community did not feel the same. I told my pastor, and then my best friend. Their reaction was terrifying.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>My pastor told me I would spend the rest of my life with demons inside me, that I was an embarrassment and should be ashamed of myself and my \u2018urges\u2019. I was <a href=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2021\/01\/03\/i-tried-to-pray-the-gay-away-until-i-realised-church-was-the-problem-13790193\/\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2021\/01\/03\/i-tried-to-pray-the-gay-away-until-i-realised-church-was-the-problem-13790193\/\">cast out by the whole community<\/a> and lost my job in the church in the process.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>My life was the church; all my friends were in my church community. Though I had recently started working in a department store to begin some sort of separation from my all-encompassing life within my religion, it was a small step \u2013 I still relied on my congregation for survival.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>I felt that for the first time since my young teens I had nobody looking over me. No God, no community, no support. But I was wrong.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"img-container shareable-item wp-caption\">\n<div class=\"img-wrap\">\n\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"646\" height=\"437\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"article-image wp-image-23074741 lazyload\" alt=\"Lewis Crompton - the cost of coming out\" loading=\"lazy\" data-src=\"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SEI_251033438-8a33-e1747122208232.jpg\">\t<\/div><figcaption>Over the next three months I overhauled my look, my lifestyle, my life, tapping my credit card as I went (Picture: Lewis Crompton)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>My parents and sister had my back and encouraged me to progress in my retail career and be true to myself.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>I started buying new clothes, not the stuffy conservative ones I had grown used to, but sleeker, sharper suits and outfits that expressed me as a gay man.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>I felt confident, I felt attractive, I felt like I was embodying myself even if some of my choices were questionable when I look back on them now.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<div class=\"factbox\" data-ico=\"factbox_article\" data-track-module=\"factbox_article\">\n<h2 class=\"factbox-title\">\n\t\t\t\tCost breakdowns \t\t\t<\/h2>\n<div class=\"factbox-content\">\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>The average cost of a first date in the UK is \u00a338. Four times a week for a year is <strong>\u00a37,904<\/strong><\/li>\n<li>A week-long Cape Town holiday can cost up to <strong>\u00a33,409 <\/strong><\/li>\n<li>A new casual outfit sits somewhere between <strong>\u00a350-\u00a3100 <\/strong><\/li>\n<li>Therapy sessions can cost as little as<strong> \u00a335<\/strong> but can also end up over <strong>\u00a3100<\/strong> an hour <\/li>\n<li>Renting in London, on average, costs <strong>\u00a32,243<\/strong> per month <\/li>\n<\/ul><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>I began going on dates, three or four a week \u2013 actually sometimes three a day \u2013 and I curiously broached the <a href=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2024\/02\/09\/lgbtq-club-scene-crisis-can-anything-done-save-20251538\/\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/2024\/02\/09\/lgbtq-club-scene-crisis-can-anything-done-save-20251538\/\">world of gay nightclubs<\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Over the next three months I overhauled my look, my lifestyle, my life\u2026 tapping my credit card as I went.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>To overcome my anxieties about somebody touching me I booked a massage. To accept myself and my body, I booked a holiday to a nudist resort in Cape Town. And to overcome my trauma, I started seeing a private therapist.\u00a0<\/p>\n<figure class=\"img-container shareable-item wp-caption\">\n<div class=\"img-wrap\">\n\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"646\" height=\"380\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"article-image wp-image-23074736 lazyload\" alt=\"Lewis Crompton - the cost of coming out\" loading=\"lazy\" data-src=\"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SEI_251033496-6241-e1747122232832.jpg\">\t<\/div><figcaption>Finding happiness didn\u2019t come for free (Picture: Lewis Crompton)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<section class=\"metro-comment-cta\">\n<div class=\"metro-comment-cta__inner\"><span class=\"metro-comment-cta__text-wrap\"><title>Comment now<\/title><span class=\"metro-comment-cta__text\">Did coming out cost you too? Have your say in the comments below<\/span><\/span><a class=\"metro-comment-cta__button\" href=\"#metro-comments-container\">Comment Now<\/a><\/div>\n<\/section>\n<p>Some of it was fun, some of it was scary, a lot was very, very overwhelming, but despite all the tears, coming out was absolutely the right thing to do.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>I cannot put a price on the value of finally finding the freedom to be me, but I hadn\u2019t anticipated the monetary value of admitting I was gay. The clubs, the dates, the treats\u2026 it all cost money, and the debts began to pile up.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>A new job in stocks and shares helped me pay these off within 18 months, and I cut back on new spending, forcing myself to slow down and live within my means.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>No more hiding, but also no more credit card debts.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>And once I moved to Central London, it felt so much easier to be a gay man in a city than the close-knit community where I grew up. I no longer had to spend so much to feel comfortable in myself.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>I pride myself on integrity and being authentic. After all I have been through I believe I owe it to myself and every other gay man to show that you can be exactly who you want to be and be successful.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Yes, it cost me \u00a327,000. Yes, it cost me a job, my community and the old version of me. But I traded survival for selfhood and, honestly, that was the best investment I\u2019ve ever made.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><strong>Do you have a story you\u2019d like to share? Get in touch by emailing <a href=\"mailto:jess.austin@metro.co.uk\">jess.austin@metro.co.uk<\/a>.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><strong>Share your views in the comments below.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Until the age of 26 I was living a lie (Picture: Lewis Crompton) Listen to article Listen to article Your browser does not support the audio element. As I looked at my bank statements one day in August 2017, I was horrified to see the figures.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I was 27 and had spent \u00a350 on a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":400,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[20],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/398"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=398"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/398\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":407,"href":"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/398\/revisions\/407"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/400"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=398"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=398"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/originalholdum.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=398"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}